Guests - loss and anger

Being an ex-psychologist has some advantages - but, boy, do my old habits put me in some real tricky situations! Ordinarily, I wouldn't write about an issue that is not directly related to this accommodation business but a pattern that I have experienced, observed and been a part of is quite important for fellow B&B providers to be aware of.

All hoteliers and B&B providers have their fair share of rants from guests and all of us acknowledge that some anger is justified in some situations. i.e. dirty rooms, toilets, bad food etc. But some other rants are seriously disproportionate and way out of line. It is this disproportionate anger that interests me. What is it that makes a guest act in vicious and often personally insulting ways in situations that don't really warrant such a reaction? Here are some thoughts.

1. Anger from Grief/Loss:

Guests who are recovering from loss of some kind are those who fly off the handle at the smallest glitch or problem. I have added the link of the Kubler Ross stages for anyone who is interested in this process.

Recently, we had the misfortune of having a young (very immature) lady whose boyfriend had forfeited a seaview room for this smaller and cheaper one. She went to her room but wanted to leave straightaway because the room was too small and without views. ( room 6 on our website photos). She did not like it. She was distressed, crying, was passively aggressive, nasty and crazily personal to us - not to her boyfriend who had knowingly chosen the room. All this drama took place after staying in the room for 5 minutes.

I thought about this a while trying to understand the motive for such an outburst. Sure enough, the couple were back the next day demanding a refund of the deposit. The lady then mentioned a funeral she had attended the previous day and the reason she came to the IOW. Kerching!!! Penny dropped!!

Here was a young woman, who hadn't come to terms with her loss, her pain nor could she express her anger at her boyfriend who had chosen the room. She needed someone else to blame. The anger and the hate that spewed out was disproportionate. Really amazing. My reaction was mixed - torn between empathizing with her loss and retorting back at her nasty and personal ill-placed comments. But there you are. Displaced anger.

2. Expectations:

When we rent villas abroad, we go by the photos and guest comments. On some occasions we have had to modify our expectations on arrival as the pictures have not represented the product. We have taught ourselves to adjust and use realistic markers if we are disappointed. Check -Are all the facilities advertised available? Is the place clean ? Is it safe? Is the food as it is described ? At the end, a holiday is what one makes of it, as long as the basic facilities are in place. The frills and romantic notions created by our own tendency to embellish should be seen for what it is. Our perceptions.

I know that some guests struggle to reconfigure their mindsets. Instead they get angry. Anger perhaps at themselves for having created such a glossy picture of a product. Of course they cannot hold themselves responsible as this would cause way too much internal dissonance. So blame the providers- the natural targets.

Perceptions of people are not in our hands but what we do know is that we have excellent staff, spotless accommodation (someone said it was too clean), artistic decor, great views and good quality food. Yes, it is an old building. We are sure that nothing is false on our website, all pictures are real and nothing is embellished.